Moon gal's Earth Transit

Friday, November 2, 2007 - dun know wat to say.... :

*haiz* i dun know wat to say as my life has been havin lotz and lotz of ups and downs and i also haf my fears of a certain tinks happenin...wat can i say? and also have lotz of stuffs which will be eatin up my time... and well, i wanna join the dragonboatin as i haf the interest in tat... most prob trainin will be on saturdae mornin.. and haf got all the SANA tinks to do and also have veena productions and also haf chai chee... and wat can i say? it's gonna be a very busy time for mi... well asked hubby if i can join he said he will support mi but he didn't exactli wans mi to join as he doesn;t wan mi to get myself even more tired nowdayz.. and i'm also scared tat we would not be havin enough time for each other... but i wan to spend more time wif him and at the same time i know tat can't be done easily... as we haf got plenty to do now... i wanna be wif him now and i know i can't.... why? why? why? why? i also dun know why...

u know wat? if given a chance i wil wanna be in a island wif no one but him and spent my whole dae wif him and slackin around and cumin back hm after tat... and this is definateli sumtink which can never never never happen... how i wish i can make tat happen... i know life has its ups and downs but still... to be tested so much is not the way as it hurts too much... way to much sia~ how to overcum it all depends on mi.. i guess... how much more can i take? it hurts deep enough... wish i could do it again but doin it again will onli make him more hot tempered towards mi and i'm not ready for it again.. i reali wanna see and meet u now as i dun know wen i will be able to see u next.. no plans has been confirmed... and i dun feel like riskin it... memories to keep mi goin and thoughts to help mi out... photos to remind mi of memories and pressed rose to remind mi of tat dae... sweet memories kept close to my heart and will always be there... still in clz waitin for the others to finish clz.. started typin durin meetin 3 and still goin.. dun know wat to type and wat to say and dun know wat to tink.. every thoughts now makes mi kinda down... wish i could sleep now and forever and never gettin up.. tink bout the peaceful life wen sleepin(hopefulli there's no nightmare)..... juz wanna sleep and forget everytink i'm goin thru now... sleep like there's no tmr also... rememberin all the times together makes mi wanna be wif u even more now... i know tat cannot happen for now... wan u here beside mi but it's sumtink which is totalli impossible as it is the never to happen for now.. i know i can always meet u but i also know tat the always is not an always... sumone help mi in here now... could use sum laughter now... anyone? more and more wishes for u to be here but i guess not... even a peek could help but i dun wan a peek of u as wen i haf a peek of u, i would wanna spend more time wif u and wen tat happens, i will wanna spend my whole dae wif u... but i guess tat it would not be right if i do tat... wish, wish, wish, wish, wish, wish, wish wish, wish, wish and more wishes is all i could wish for now.... let mi live in my fairytale for now b4 cumin to the reality world and get more sufferin and hurts... let mi do it as it helps mi relieve sum of my stress... the pain outside is no bigger or more hurtful than my pain inside.... i know everyone does go thru pains in their life but at times there are times wen people know tat everyone is there but they feel as if no one is there wi them.. they cannot do anytink at tat very current moment and all they do is cry... and is it wrong to do tat? people never cry infront of their loved ones as they know tat it will also hurt their loved ones but at the same time if they cry infront of their loved ones it means tat they cant stand the pain tat they are goin thru... but why can't their loved ones understand tat? and guess i dun know wen the fcuk i will be seein u next.... once in a while, it does hurt wen i know i can't see u for daes esp wen i dun see u for daes and dun talk on the phone wif u for hrs... guess i'm faithed to be like dis... haven't got much choice do i????? i know i haven't gotten much choices.. once in a while i seriousli need sum help and sum time alone but wen i wanna get it, i can never get it as u know mi toooo well... and i always tell u everytink.. wat do i do in such situations... i dun know? i haven't gotten any idea on wat to do to? basicalli tat's why i get invlove in many tinks hopin tat i can occupy myself and dun make my fcuk self sad... even more and kinda upset now... wonderin wat will happen...i thought everytink was goin well but i was very very wrong.. wish i could go back inot the past and change a feww stuffs but i know if i do tat. i would haf never met u or i would not haf been in such a state. i'm not blamin u... i need sum time on my own as i can still feel the pain in mi.. juz let mi do wat i always do wen i feel lotz of pain inside.. pls.. i wish there wasn't anyone stoppin mi while doin tat...
tmr got to start cleanin the hse for diwali and i dun know wen i will see u next... guess 2 weeks later? like i said i wanna see u now but i know i can't... i juz feel like lyin on ur shoulder and cryin but i can't as i know u hate to see mi cry... but at te same time i cannot tahan the stuffs tat i'm goin thru now... wen i need u here, u are here but in my memories and i dun know wat to say...i missin u lotz.. i didn't ask for much, not plenty of money or gifts everytime we meet and expensive dinner and sumtink great for our daez together... but juz sum time... if i ask too much, i'm sorry... i shouldn't expect much fm u... i know ur schedule and ur busy time, and u got to help ur mom too... i tink it's better if i dun ask to meet as it will onli disappoint mi more.. i'm makin myself even more fcuk horrible now.... i reali need u here wif mi.. at least a shoulder of urs.. a phonecall now is certainli not helpin mi but askin u to meet mi is also unfair to u.... sorry....and i tink i better stop here...

~missin u more than ever and hatin myself more than ever~
*sorry if i hurt anyone by postin dis thought*

sagi_gal blogged at 3:26 PM